Relationship

I was smsing Jinxing on Sunday when he really made me think about this term "RELATIONSHIP".

Both of us are shitty in it now. I tried cheering him up by saying things that I have been wanting to do. To learn to let go, to think that there will be a better one in future. I even resort to ask him to think of a scenario. A scenario that might lead them back together in future.

What's the meaning of relationship?
It's a situation in which two people spend time together, having romance feeling for each other.

It's suppose to be a commitment not a burden. It's a responsibility. It's a full time commitment where they must solve problems out between them. To learn to share with each other their thoughts and feelings. To learn how to give and take. To learn to care for each other. To support one another. To have fun together. To appreciate the things that the other had done. etc...

What Jinxing sent me really made sense. He said, " How many more must we meet before we can find the correct piece for each other?"

I dont know the answer to this either. =/

A farmer went to god and asked why god had not been treating him fairly in life.
God listened and asked farmer to walk down his field in rows, searching for the largest melon for him. The farmer can ONLY walk down the lane once. He cannot turn back to pick the melon that he had passed. Throughout the jorney, he can ONLY picked one melon which he thinks is the bigger one for god.
Farmer did what he was told. He walked down the lane, observing the melons that he had planted. He walked by a small melon, thinking that there would be a larger melon down the road. True enough, there is. He thought of picking it up for god. Yet being unappreciative, he thinks that there are bigger down the road. So he gave up picking the melon in front of him and continue walking on. Towards the edge of the field, the farmer saw that the melons ahead are all small ones. He had missed the large ones as he walked on the land. He picked none of the melons and walked up to god.
God said, "In life, there are many opportunities. It depends on you to take it or leave it or to even create your own. There isn't anything call fair or unfair as it's your own choice. As long as you have appreciate what you have and treature it, it would be yours to keep."


What's the moral of the story?
Am I the melon that you had chose to give up? And all I can do is to wait for another person to pick me up? Yet this melon is going into a hiding. She dont want to be found by other person other than you. She chose to create her own opportunity to cross his path again. She's waiting for the time to create this opportunity.

Relationship is a responsibility that she is willing to shoulder. She is not giving up on him even though she has been pretending to do so. Perhaps when the day she had to give up comes, she would just give it up in pain and sorrow.

The past 35 days are the "few" days that you think i would be upset and it's still counting rather than me upset over you every now and then.

If there's still what you think, all I can say is I cant pick up my broken pieces. Every time I tried to do so, it isnt complete. I am trying to fill up the empty space in the broken pieces. Somehow, I managed to create a space for you without giving up anything. Yet to close up this space, I cant fit anything else in it.
You think I love to torture myself so much and not picking myself up? You think that I like to be upset and disappointed. You think I chose not to give everything up? If that's what you want to hear, I am sorry I cant tell you all that.
Me, myself want to pick myself up. Yet I am super torn. I want to mend myself to make me feel complete. To get back to me as soon as possible. Yet I cant face myself whenever I am alone. I am just too commited into this one that I cant pick myself up. Perhaps if it's really due to faded feelings by me, it would be easier. But I am not the one who have the feeling for a second and the next it's gone. It takes me time to know how I felt for who and the feeling would not stop even after a long period of time.

For me to really decide to commit into a relationship, it would be due to certain understanding for a few months. Whether I am comfortable with him. Whether I really feel for him. etc...
For me not to commit anymore is impossible. Somehow or another, I still commit my relationship with my grandparents. I offer them prayers. Tell them things through the toy monkey. Thinking about them.. I think I am just mad to do so.


Doreen set me thinking of another question. She asked me not to be too commited into the next relationship if I ever found one.

Isn't relationship meant to be commited?

I am conservative. I dont play with relationships. If I do, I think that day I WILL no longer be me. I think I can see the day when I would no longer be me ahead in future. A me that I mask out myself, protecting the initial me that is torn. A me that I want people to think that I toying with feelings instead of getting her own toyed with.